is your horse labelled nervous?
Some horses can be rehabilitated
Building confidence & trust workshop
This workshop will be for those that are interested in building confidence and trust with horses. You may be struggling with confidence after an incident, with a particular horse or just interested or involved in helping people with their horses.
YOU GOT SOLD A DANGEROUS HORSE (PART 2)
You Got Sold a Dangerous Horse (Part 2)
Yesterday I posted Part 1 on this topic and my inbox blew up💥 with people wanting to know how they can support their new horse that obviously hasn't transition well into its new home and things have gone pear shaped.
Read Part 1 here:
They all asked...So Shelley HOW can I turn this situation around?
My answer - by LEARNING some stuff.
I worked out that if I could get people understanding the way horse's see the world better and taught them 21 simple things to effectively communicate and teach a horse (yep just 21 things)...I changed people and their ability to help and work with horses.
The 21 things are essentially the simple things that create the horse's foundation training. These include how to respond to the halter, to lead, simple groundwork, standing still for mounting and the basic foundation riding responses. Essentially the horse's operating system that everything else is built on top of. When you skill people up to be able to put an "operating system" on a horse they become effective at helping the horse understand and navigate their new world and new owner.
Understanding the way the horse perceives the world is really important. Horse's really are poorly understood and we tend to hang onto traditional beliefs about why they do things. Things like the horse is just "naughty" or it is because my mare is an "alpha" or he is just spooking to "get out of work". Instead people learn that horse's experience the world completely differently from us and at any time are just letting you know how they FEEL and what they UNDERSTAND.
The first thing I tell people at clinics is to look at the horse and understand that they are networkers. They are programmed to network and process the work, stress and their emotions collectively with other HORSES (not us!). When we isolate them, they have to do it alone and that is confronting for them. We have to coach them to use US to network and nurture their individual abilities to process and regulate stress. That horse is not naughty, not an alpha, not wanting to get out of work...it is just struggling, insecure, doesn't understand and is feeling threatened and defensive....or sore!
When people interpret how a horse is responding to a situation better, they make better decisions. When you skill them up with how to use pressure with thought and effectiveness...they can action their better informed decisions!
It works 💪and as I transform the knowledge, skills and self awareness of people, the horse transforms. The transition of the horse to the new home (even if the "new" horse arrived years before) is finally supported and conflict eliminated from the relationship and a partnership can finally be built.
But Shelley...How long does this take?
Well it is quicker than you think. It is not 5 minutes but if you can dedicate 3-4 days a week working through a process in a disciplined dedicated manner - in 4-8 weeks - things turn around and your ability to influence and help horses is changed forever.
To support my clients and clinic participants...and anyone anywhere in the world I created 4 courses:
1) Things to Know About Horses - That is the knowledge piece of the puzzle!
2) Then split the 21 things up into *3* "How to Courses" (round penning, groundwork and building a riding foundation). If you don't have access to round yard, you just start with the groundwork course.
If anyone had their confidence thrown by their experiences of a new horse doing pear shaped or just started struggling with nerves, I also wrote a book about how to build confidence and trust back.
Finally, I even wrote a book about the how buying a new horse and how to safe guard against things going pear shaped!
You can find all these resources (courses & books) described and links to purchase them here:
https://www.calmwillingconfidenthorses.com.au/courses
I hope that helps guide people to how I can help and what I can offer.
If I can help in any other way please just message or email admin@calmwillingconfidenthorses.com.au
Please...remember what I said in Part 1 - Horses that come into your life are a GIFT. They reveal the gaps in your knowledge and skill. If one reveals a gap then you have a high chance that another horse will reveal the same gap. Close your gaps...it is less difficult and more fun than you think ❤
Cheers, Shelley
YOU GOT SOLD A DANGEROUS HORSE (part 1)
You Got Sold a Dangerous Horse (PART 1)
You were so careful to buy the horse that came with all the assurances it was going to be a good fit for you and your family.
It was quiet, it was reliable and had been there and done that and had no issues.
Your test ride went great. Vet check didn't show any red flags. The horse loaded on the trailer fine to come home.
A couple of months later and now things are very different.
The horse is hard to catch, rug, lead, won't go on the trailer. It bites, threatens, keeps getting emotional and can't handling things. Feeding it is scary and handling it is a nightmare.
And don't even talk about riding it...that is even worse!
The horse is dangerous. You must have been lied to and horse probably drugged when you rode it.
You contacted the old owners and they tell you it must be something you have done to the horse as it never did any of these things to them.
You are furious as there is NOTHING you have done wrong....NOTHING.
Someone says that maybe you should get help with the horse. This is ridiculous because even your neighbour can't catch the horse and it rushed through gates with them.
It is the HORSE. It is a dud, it is dangerous.
The old owners refuse to take the horse back. You are stuck.
Someone suggest the horse might be in pain. You get the vet out. You struggle to handle the horse for the vet. The vet struggles to handle the horse but can find nothing obviously wrong, except it is hard to handle and highly emotional.
Maybe it needs drugs. A chemical restraint for its difficult behaviour? It seems like it is the only option.
Again, someone mentions getting help with the horse but that makes you angry as THIS horse is clearly dangerous. Your neighbour and the vet have basically confirmed this. Who do they think you are anyway - a beginner, stupid??
Another friend suggests that maybe the horse needs groundwork. You smile, nod and fume on the inside. The horse is SO dangerous to even lead through a gate. You have never done groundwork but you know this horse is out of the league of groundwork.....
Want to hear the truth?
This horse has just had its world turned upside down by moving home. Everything has changed. Every reliable thing it could understand and navigate has changed. Your routine, the way you do everything with it is different.
This change is stressful. The horse will experience stress in this transition and stress makes horses more reactive and more emotional. This is NORMAL and managing the horse through this change is something we have to LEARN how to do.
Is your horse dangerous. Currently, yes. But most likely NOT because there is something pathologically wrong with it. It is because you are not being able to recognise this and support the horse through this change. Being able to handle them in a way that provides the sense of clarity that allows them to feel they can successfully predict and navigate this new world.
You are lacking the insights and skills to support a horse through this transition.
Instead the horse is stressed, you have got stressed. The horse feels threatened, you feel defensive and threatened and everything has gone pear shaped.
That is the truth. It is not the responsibility of the horse to navigate this themselves. While some are less impacted than others, it is our role in the partnership to understand their needs and how to help them.
Just because the neighbour, vet, your friend or even riding instructor cannot help the horse does not mean the horse cannot be helped. These handful of people are not necessarily experts in handling horses that have become distressed and difficult to handle. Also, the horse is not going to be "fixed" in 5 minutes once it has been stressed for a period of time.
You need to learn 3 things: 1) Insights into horses and their behaviour 2) Skills in how to influence horses both for handling on the ground and in the saddle; and 3) Self awareness of what you might be doing that is contributing to the horse being stressed by your presence and interactions with them!
Each horse that comes into your life is a gift. They reveal gaps in your knowledge, skills and awareness of how you negatively impact horses unconsciously.
You cannot outsource to someone else to fix this problem because your gaps will always be experienced by horses and they will react to them according to their individual tolerance.
But I know what you are thinking now....but Shelley, my horse IS different....you don't know THIS horse.
I don't know your horse but I do understand horses. I also understand deeply how people negatively impact horses without any clue they are doing so. People can make mistakes with horses while trying their hardest to do the right thing.
I know this as I have been that person. I have wasted years with a horse that I was stressing out only to discover he was the most easy going beautiful horse when I learnt how to not freak him out!
But again...I know what you are thinking...that is not me, its this horse, he has a history and I have been lied too...my neighbour, the vet etc...they all agree...
And that is ok ❤.
If one day you get curious, contact me and let me guide and support you in navigating this situation with your horse. This situation can be turned around ❤.
WHY HORSES CAN DEVELOP FEAR OF BEING FLOATED OR TRAILERED
Why Horses Can Develop Fear of Being Floated or Trailered - It is Deeper Than You Think…
Most people will assume that horses struggle to get confident with floating or trailering because they get worried by confined small space of the float or trailer. While this is true and we will look at it in more detail shortly, it is more than that.
It is important to understand all the things that can lead to a fear phobia or negative association with float or trailering to support horses get confidence with the process but to also help those that have developing troublesome and difficult behaviour around being floated.
This blog will examine these causes.
western australia clinic tour july-august 2022
I am looking forward to heading back to Western Australia from the 24th July to the 21st August 2022. I have a jammed packed schedule and have tried to cover as much of the Perth, south and south-west areas of the state. I have also tried to bring a variety of different opportunities from clinics, private lesson days, intensive sessions and workshops.
Troubleshooting contact issues
Troubleshooting Contact Issues
People tend to label horses as having contact issues when they have trouble with a horse leaning on the bit, being hard to stop, difficult to put in a frame, evading the bit, chomping, getting the tongue over the bit, head tossing or becoming anxious when the reins are picked up.
The biggest mistakes people make when they try and solve these issues are:
Trying to solve the issue by changing things such as the bit, tightening a noseband, changing the bridle or using a gadget such as draw reins; or
Not going backwards far enough to fix a gap or weakness in the horses education; or
Not realising the struggles they are having with their horse are a “contact” problem and just believe they have a horse being difficult or sensitive or spooky or anxious.
This Troubleshooting flowchart highlights four questions related to simple things you can ask a horse to do. The ability of the horse to perform the request will reveal where you need to start to address the issue you are having with the horse.
For many issues it is necessary to go back and re-build or as I call it - reboot - a horse’s riding foundation. I recommend doing this from the ground up into the saddle. People that do this discover that the majority of contact issues they had disappear when all the gaps in the horse’s understanding and confidence have been filled.
For others, the riding foundation might be solid but due to a lack of awareness of how to introduce the horse to working in a frame, have run into trouble trying to get their horse “on the bit”. In this situation people just need to be made aware of all the steps needed to have correct response to the contact. Typically with these horses there are gaps in their understanding that have caused them to brace and become tense instead of soften to the rein aids. Therefore, these horses need to have time spent developing their understanding and confidence in contact and what to do when the reins are shortened.
Finally, there are those that need to develop the horse’s ability to work in a posture that allows them to build strength and move in a way that allows the energy of the hind leg to flow through the body without being impeded by tension or brace.
Buying Horses - buyer beware!
Buying Horses - Buyer Beware
Buying a horse is a major investment and if you end up with a horse that is unsound, difficult or not appropriate for you and the financial and emotional costs can be high.
Caveat emptor is a Latin phrase meaning “let the buyer beware”. This is the idea that a buyer must not assume the “quality” of what they are purchasing is guaranteed. It means that unless you have some form of guarantee or insurance to cover anticipated future risks, you need to rely on your own investigations, inspections and inquires to make good purchase decisions. This is so important to understand when it comes to buying horses. If your new horse turns out to be not what you expected it can be very difficult to return the horse or get your money back.
Whilst there are many lovely horses on the market being sold by honest people, there are also the following: 1. Horses that have soundness issues that sellers are aware of or have an inkling about that want to move the horse on because it is expensive to keep them (e.g. corrective shoeing), reducing their performance ability, impacting the horses behaviour etc. They may or may not be completely honest about this and can recommend the horse for lower level activities hoping the horse will be able to cope better.
2. Horses with soundness issues that sellers are not aware of.
3. Horses that are difficult to handle in certain situation such as floating problems, separation anxiety, anxiety at events, food aggression etc. that sellers are aware of and want to move the horse on. Again, they may or may not be honest about these issues or understate the extent of the issue.
Besides these situations, it is impossible for a seller to determine the horse is going to be a good match for you, what you are doing to do with the horse and how you are going to keep and manage the horse! So many of my clients, that are new to horse ownership, where sold horses that were labelled “perfect beginner” horses. These horses have ended up not coping at all with being a beginner horse.
Finally, even if a seller is as open and honest as they can be, it doesn’t mean that it will register to you as significant. For example, a client had a horse that she bought that she was told could be difficult for the vet to needle. She discovered the full significance of this issue when the horse reared up, pulled back and jumped a 5 ft tie up rail the first time a vet tried to give him a needle!
Therefore, it is very important to boost your knowledge and skills in assessing the appropriateness of horses and potential red flags when you are are browsing advertisements, watching sales videos and inspecting horses you are considering purchasing.
Last year I wrote a book to record my insights and assessment guidelines for buying horses. My aim was to boost people’s buyer awareness to stop them falling into the trap or overlooking red flags that many of my clients had done by purchasing unsound, difficult or inappropriate horses. The book describes my process and has checklists for each stage of looking at advertisements, videos, inspecting the horse etc.
This week I received the following message from someone who is out horse shopping and is using the book to help them in their search: “Hey Shelley, took your checklist with me to view two horses over the past two days. Neither of them were able to transition from trot to canter. One was a young thoroughbred and the other a warmblood X. When I arrived both were exhausted. They were also hollow backed and sore in the C2-C3 area. Really sad, price range was from $5K to $8K! I didn't even bother to get them tacked up. Thank you for giving such a concise checklist. I now feel so much more confident at viewing a horse for sale.”
My book is called “Buying and Supporting a New Horse - The Essential Guide”. It is available as an eBook worldwide and is only $9.99 AUD.
If you are in Australia you can download from Apple Books or Kobo.
If you have any stories or wisdom from your “buyer beware” experiences I would love to hear them!
solving horse float or trailering problems
barriers to learning
This is my partner Simon and Pumba. Pumba is finely tuned in the art of groundwork. He understands and is highly motivated to pay close attention to the feeling of the halter on this face and the person hanging onto the end or the lead rope. He is also finely tune and is a horse that thrives on consistency but struggles with inconsistency. So, he lets you know if you are being at all confusing or too loud with your emotional tone (i.e. “energy”).
Simon has never done this before. He has not had a life with horses. Therefore, he has no misconceptions, habits, hidden beliefs or bad experiences with horses that cloud his perceptions and influence his movement and thoughts. Simon is a blank slate with a willingness to learn and highly coachable.
This is very rare and fascinating to see in action. There are lots of “blank state” horse’s out there that are young and had little handling or training but not many humans!
When we learn something new we use prior knowledge to help make sense of what we are learning and doing. Most people’s prior knowledge about horses includes a lot of misinformation and gaps. For instance, they interpret a horse’s resistance as being difficult or naughty and not confusion or concern. They have a lack of awareness of what pressures they are applying to the horse or the impact of their emotional state or how horse’s learn. Therefore, misconceptions and gaps in knowledge and skill create significant barriers to learning.
So here is what learning looks like minus this baggage!
my first coaching case - buckarri & belinda
See this horse….this horse is my “Case #1” - the this first horse I ever coached another person to train!
If it wasn’t for this horse I would not be typing this post, I would not coach people to train horses, not travel around the country giving clinics or have created a lot of courses or written books to help people. Training horses was a personal hobby that I did for my own enjoyment and fun. I had zero intention of ever doing what I do today!
This is Buckarri and he is owned by one of my dearest friends - Belinda. When Buckarri was a young horse he struggled to canter. He would explode into canter and could not maintain it. One day I went and caught up with Belinda and watch her riding lesson with a local coach. I watch the coach ride Buckarri and shut him down trying to pressure him to canter and to keep cantering. It was distressing to witness a horse shut down and to see Belinda devastated by what had just happened to her beloved horse.
It was the first time I worked out I could clearly see the WHY behind a horse’s behaviour…and sheer human ignorance about how horse’s learn and behave….and how a horse needed to be helped. Buckarri was experiencing unrelenting pressure and was confused.
I caught up with Belinda a few days later and we taught Buckarri to maintain forward in all gaits and to canter in 30 minutes. It was simple. Separation of cues, careful escalation of pressure and well timed releases of pressure. Starting simple on a loose rein and progressing only when Buckarri showed he understood. Buckarri learning was rapid.
It felt good to help a dear friend and a beautiful horse. I kept coaching Belinda and Buckarri and then I started helping other friends…
So, enjoy this beautiful horse and his beautiful canter…and if you have a horse that cannot canter or is struggling to do anything…have hope!
And maybe just maybe if you have been struggling with the problem for a while you might need a new approach!
the black beauty curse?
The Black Beauty Curse?
First up before anyone gets horrified I want to acknowledge what an incredible catalyst the story of Black Beauty was for drawing attention to the welfare issues of horses. The story written by Anna Sewell in 1877 is credited with inspiring legislation around the world advocating the protection of animals against abusive practices. The book is considered to be one of the most influential anti-cruelty novels of all time. The story is an autobiography and is told though the horse’s thoughts and perspectives as if he was human. This is what is known as anthropomorphism.
In my opinion the book has been both a blessing and curse for the horse.
Let me explain. Hearing a horse describe the cruelty it was enduring though the words of humans brought attention to the suffering of horses at a time when they were more tools of transport than pets. Hearing a story of suffering from the “mouth” of a horse changed the way many people saw horses and what was happening to them. So, what is the curse? The curse is people forming beliefs that horses think and perceive things like us….which they don’t. Black Beauty’s mother instructed him to be a good horse that got on with people. He went out into the world and could identify which humans were kind, sympathetic and not physically cruel. With this belief it is not surprising people think horses are just being “naughty”, “difficult”, or should “know better”.
Also, could this be why people experience feelings of rejection when their horse turns and walks away from them or refuses to be caught? Or the distress when they fail to sooth their horse when it becomes emotionally worried?
How could a horse act this way when the person loves them, cares for them deeply and is not being “cruel” but kind? Black Beauty knew a kind person when he met one and was loyal and compliant to that person as a result!
A relationship with a horse needs more than a persons intention to be kind, they needs skills and a deep understanding a horses and how they really perceive and understand the world - and that is very different that what is portrayed in Black Beauty!
To read this full blog click here.
Fact: Stressed people struggle to help stressed horses
If you are stressed you will struggle to help a stressed horse.
This is just a fact.
The problem is made worse because horses can trigger your stress response when it makes you feel threatened.
What results is this awful cycle goes like this:
Horse feels threatened and its stress response becomes triggered because it feels confused and insecure with you.
The escalation of the horse’s negative emotions then triggers you to feel threatened and your stress response is kicks into action.
This stress response then switches on your pattern of responding to stress. These include certain thoughts and feelings (e.g. “what ifs”, hyper-vigilance, sense of vulnerability, being out of control, being unsafe)..as well as certain behaviours (e.g. reactive fast jerky movements, attempts to appease, “people pleasing”, withdrawing, avoiding, lashing out).
The escalation of your negative emotions, thoughts and behaviours just make you more confusing, more alarming and more threatening and the horse…
When the relationship with your horse looks like this nothing good can happen. You cannot think, the horse cannot think and the partnership is in conflict.
Maybe this doesn’t happen all the time. Maybe it is only in certain situations. Maybe you avoid those situations. It might have stopped you riding or limited where you can ride and the activities you can do with your horse. But you find yourself in this situation often and it is not fun. It can lead people to feeling hopeless and horse’s lost.
There is a way to stop it, but the responsibility is in YOUR hands.
To find out more read the blog…
Rule #1 - You Start Where the Horse Needs to Start
Rule #1 - You Start Where the Horse Needs to Start
If you have got yourself frustrated with a horse, lacking progress or ended up in a bad situation, it is most likely because you have broken Rule 1.
When you start a new partnership with a horse it is advisable for you to go back to very basic things and build your relationship from the ground up into the saddle. Instead of thinking you can just jump on and ride off.
WHY?
For a horse to understand and trust you they need to be able to work the particular way you present yourself and what you mean. They need time with you to work this out and make sense of you. They need to determine you are consistent, predictable and won’t hurt or worry them. This is because you are doing to be different from the person they have worked with previous. You will look, move and feel different to what they are used to.
When I help people, the biggest barrier to overcome is getting them to appreciate they are trying to start too far up the level of difficulty compared to where the horse is at.
From the horse’s perspective you are just confusing and causing them distress. This is why they are anxious, resistant, threatening, braced or reactive to the world around them. They don’t understand you, they don’t trust you and can’t connect to you.
When you work with many horses you learn there is a quick way and there is a hard way to work with them.
The quick way is to follow Rule #1 and start working with the horse where they are at. At the level they understand and grow their understanding, confidence and connection with you.
You learn to work with them well on the ground and introduce them to things in stages of increasing complexity. Do this and you will be where you would like to be in a matter of weeks.
The slow way is to keep pounding into them you are confusing, cause them distress and cannot be trusted. Do this and you will stay here forever. You can even buy a new horse and good chance you will find yourself right back here again!
So, Rule #1 looks like a backwards step. Learning how to build understanding and connection on the ground will take some effort and practice. But it is freedom, not to mention the right thing to do for your horse.
What Signature do you leave on a horse?
Bill Dorrence described how fearful, unsure people who handled and trained young horses generally leave their signature in similarly, unsure horses.
Buck Brannaman described how a horse is a mirror to your soul…and sometimes you might not like what you see, sometimes you will.
Emotions wrap themselves around our actions and gets transmitted to the horse. It is just like a contagion.
When people don’t like what their signature creates or what they see reflected back in the mirror - they set about to fix the horse.
It is pointless.
Fix you - you can change your signature.
You actually learnt to be insecure and fearful…you can learn to become confident and trusting.
solving separation anxiety IN HORSES
It is great when my clients discover a range of problems disappearing as they work through my training process.
I have been working with Karen online with her two horses Moon & Clyde that are polar opposites to work with. Moon can get anxious and Clyde tends to zone out. Both suffer from separation anxiety.
Over the last couple of weeks I have been reviewing videos of Karen working through my process with both horses and they have been going really well.
Today Karen told me about an observation she made within days of starting the process...here is what she said:
"One observation I made was after a couple of days doing this Moon was a lot less exhibitive with her separation anxiety when i took her for a walk away from Clyde. She quite happily plodded with me and neighed back maybe 3 times in total even though we could hear him going silly back home. Without having read your material on separation anxiety, I'm going to guess that this kind of work also helps with that too when done regularly."
My response is YES! While I have a course on separation anxiety so people can understand why horses can display the symptoms and why some horses are more prone than others. It also explains how it can be helped.
Separation anxiety is displayed in a horse when it is triggered to feel threatened or potentially threatened. When this stress response is triggered in the horse it automatically draws them to "herd" or "flock" closer to one another. If they cannot get closer to another horse their desire can progress from calling out or refusing to move all the way to panic and bolting etc..
When we feel threatened we do exactly the same thing. We move closer to one another. It is called "flocking" or congregating together. It is done as a part of stress regulation. We look to others to feel more secure and to help make decisions! Horses are no different.
So to help horses we have to replace other horses in the regulation of their stress!
Read this blog to learn how I do this!
controlling your emotional tone
Emotion Tone Control & Why We Need to Talk About it
Emotional tone is the expression of your current mental and emotional state in your actions and thoughts. We tend to be aware of the tone of our voice and cognisant of the emotional tone of other people’s body language. We are very good at observing people and even horses and being about to judge their emotional state. But when you work with horses it can drop off your awareness radar and it can have profound negative effects on your horse.
Firstly, why can it have negative effects?
It is because horses are very sensitive to our emotions, movements and the various direct and indirect pressures we apply to them. Our emotional state expressed through the way me move can trigger a horse to feel concerned, confused or uncomfortable. The emotional tone impacts the speed, smoothness, rhythm, lightness of our movements.
Why can our awareness of our emotional tone drop off our radar when we work with horses?
There are many reasons. Mostly, because we are used to communication via speaking, so we are better at controlling our emotional expression of our speech. We are less practiced at communicating with movement, touch and pressure which is the main forms of communication we use with horses. But there are more reasons and it becomes very significant with people that have suffered a blow to their confidence or are struggling with nervousness and anxiety with their horse. In these situations fear is being triggered and when this happens the thinking part of your brain can get overshadowed and the parts of your brain connected to the fear response and high stress arousal can take over. The connection between your mind and body becomes disrupted and your conscious control of your thoughts and movements can become a struggle. Therefore, your stress and fear become detectable in your emotional tone of your presence and movement. Your horse senses this and it them becomes triggered. I call this “the horse and rider vicious cycle of fear”.
Fear and your ability to control your emotional tone and presence around a horse can be triggered by a fear associations after an accident; subconscious beliefs such as deep seeded sense of insecurity and people pleasing coping habits; feelings of vulnerability that occur with parenthood or ageing; a lack of handling and riding competence…and so on. Many people can have more than one cause that triggers them.
To gain control of your emotional tone each cause needs to be strategically targeted. This is why you can do many different things to try and help your confidence and nerves riding but still struggle and continue to have an anxious, spooky horse or fighting worrying thoughts of “what if”.
If you look at the image associated with this post you will see the flakes of “emotional tone” pouring off the rider and horse. Each trigger has to be addressed to lower this vibe pouring off you and replace it with a confident tone. Where the mind and body is connected and movement is controlled, consistent and easy for the horse to follow.
If you are interest in learning more about the layers of triggers and targeting the complexities that impact your emotional tone I have written a book. It is designed to help people and inform trainers and coaches how to strategically overcome confidence and trust issues. It is short, easy to read, gives you a plan and makes you realise you are not just lacking bravery.
Click HERE to purchase as an eBook any where in the word OR if you are in Australia you can purchase a hard copy.
People Pleasing will make you struggle with horses
People Pleasing Tendencies Will Make You Struggle With Horses
”People pleasing” is when you change your words and behaviours for the sake of another feelings or reactions. You say “yes” to things you don’t really want to do. You bend and shape yourself into whatever is most convenient to other people around them. You give, you serve, you sacrifice. In your mind you see yourself as kind and compassionate to others…but guess what…you actually aren’t.
People pleasing is a defensive coping strategy used to protect yourself.
Protect YOU from rejection and danger.
If you are a people pleaser you tend to be hyper vigilant to the emotions of others. You do this because at some stages during your life (typically when you were very young) your mind made the connection that it was safer for you if you did what other people wanted. That your value as a person came from what you did for others. And you received love when you behaved to the approval of others. It is complex and all of us a degree of these beliefs hidden inside us.
So, how does this people pleaser tendency cause issues with your horse?
It causes MAJOR issues. Whilst people pleasing behaviours on people will work to a degree but it just DOESN’T work with horses.
WHY? BECAUSE THEY ARE HORSES!
You cannot manipulate horses with words, like you can people.
Actions that make people happy will be interpreted completed differently by a horse.
Also, horses immediately detect you are actually scared when you start engaging in people pleasing behaviour and that bothers them a lot! If you are not confident, they are cannot be confident.
“I don’t believe in groundwork” - really?!
“I Don’t Believe In Groundwork”
Really?
Do you believe in sending five year old kids off to high school as well? How about not bothering with paddle pools or the shallow end of swimming pools and just chucking little kids straight in the deep end to do laps?
Not believing in groundwork for a horse is like not believing teaching kids the alphabet is important for them when they are learning to read. Or developing the ability to float on their backs, blow bubbles and paddle in low levels of water is important in developing confidence in the water.
Teaching a horse to work on the ground minus a rider, saddle or bridle, is part of a process of preparation that establishes a starting point that eventually leads to the horse being calm, willing and confident under saddle.
When people say “I don’t believe in groundwork”, that is just code for….“I have never been exposed to good groundwork” …or “I have no idea why it matters” …or “I tried it once but struggled to learn how to do it, I felt like a failure and never want to feel like that again”!
Also, people can think that if a hose is already broken in then it should only need to be ridden. This is a misconception because groundwork can be the most effective and thoughtful way of helping a horse at any stage of its life. This is because a horse can quickly lose its confidence being ridden and trust in those who are riding it. This can be due to a bad experience, confusion, pain, injury or just a change in rider or home.
Going back to groundwork and rebuilding the horse’s foundation can help heal confusion, solve behaviour problems and re-establish trust and confidence in your partnership.
However, ignorance about groundwork has people believe they don’t have to find this starting point, this venturing backwards into the horse’s foundation. Instead they want to start where THEY want to fix it - in the saddle!