THE MAGIC RATIO
The Magic Ratio
John Gottman's research in the realm of relationships, particularly marital stability, led to the discovery of what he famously called the "Magic Ratio." This ratio is based on the balance of positive and negative interactions in a relationship and is a critical component in predicting the success and longevity of couples.
Gottman found that the "Magic Ratio" of positive to negative interactions in stable, happy relationships is 5:1. This means that for every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions.
When this ratio is maintained, partners tend to view each other's actions and intentions in a positive light. They give each other the benefit of the doubt and assume good intentions. They can navigate conflict more calmly without damaging the relationship.
When the ratio is broken, negative perceptions cloud a partner's view of the other, leading to a negative interpretation of actions and motives. This can have a detrimental effect on the relationship. Actions are interpreted negatively, and partners can be viewed as inherently bad. There is a focus on bad memories, and disagreements escalate into arguments and fights. There is no trust in the relationship.
The same thing can happen between you and your horse.
The ratio can start shifting to the negative when you get a new horse, after you have an accident, or even if your horse has moved.
Anything that increases conflict or negative events can shift the ratio into bad territory.
It is in this place where horses get various bad labels and misunderstood. Their temperament is brought into doubt and, instead of divorce, discarding the horse can be considered.
Gottman helps couples by making them navigate this ratio more consciously and approach conflict better.
It is exactly the same with your horse.
It is why I start people on the ground with actions that relate to general handling and make that lovely before worrying about riding. Because what is the point of focusing on riding if you have had to fight and wrestle the horse all the way to the mounting block.
All that fighting and conflict over general handling just poisons what you think of the horse and what they feel about you.
It is why I get people to be conscious about the choices they make after they have had a fall or incident. It is vital to be selective about activities that can build back positive sentiment to help build trust back and confidence.
This ratio can be the difference between not even noticing the minor spook and being afraid to even ride them.
Therefore, the Magic Ratio can serve as a guiding principle that can lead to better relationships with our horses. Just as Gottman advises couples to consciously navigate their interactions, we too can apply this wisdom with our equine partners.
It’s about reducing unnecessary conflict, making decisions that set up positive interactions and remembering that how you feel about the horse can impact the light you see them in.
So, where is your ratio, are you positive or negative?
Now I hope you have an idea what you can do about it.
Photo of my friend Tegan who has great relationships with her horses because she is conscious of what makes them positive
