when there is no filter for your feelings
When there is no filter for your feelings...
I am reading a book at the moment which is wise, beautiful and brutal. I read a lot of great books but I am putting this one up there as one of the most powerful I have ever read.
It is a book of responses to an advice column by a woman who writes under the pen name of "Dear Sugar".
One of the questions posed in the book is by a man who accidently overheard his friends criticising his choice to go back to a girlfriend whom he had split up with. He had left his friends on a weekend getaway with them, for a walk but had returned as he had forgotten his hat...so he overheard them talking. He had been eaten up inside by what he had heard his friends say about him and he didn't know if he could be friends with them anymore - even though he had been friends with these people for most of his life.
Sugar told him he had to get over it and stay with these friends that cared for him. What he had heard was them talking honestly without any filter in their communication that they would have done to care about his feelings if he was present...because that is what humans do. So, he heard brutal uncensored honestly about how they felt. It showed they were caring about him and his choices and the flaws they saw. It was a conversation not meant for him and it was their brutal honestly that was causing him so much distress.
It made me think of horses and how horses tell you the brutal honestly about how they feel about you. And how confronting it is for people to become aware of this. But how vital it is to take on board what they tell you as it is raw, brutal honesty about how you need to change.
People tend to react to this brutal honesty from horses in different ways. People can use the knowledge as inspiration to change and grow their skills to communicate and motivate a horse. Or they find another explanation that locks this awareness in a dark box because it is too painful for them to bare. It typically involves blaming something about the horse, a previous owner, trainer etc. or trying to solve the relationship problem by giving calming supplements, herbs or searching for answers that don't involve growing skills or knowledge.
I have a client that is deeply insightful about her journey with horses and she said this really powerful thought that connects the wise words of Sugar and the brutal honesty of the horse....she said:
"It is so interesting this horse journey as it is hard as a human to hear the horse doesn't want to be with you. Or do things with you. It is hard because what we are doing is trying hard to create a relationship....and here lies the question - if the horse will happily connect with someone else - should the horse be with someone else?"
My answer is like Sugar's - no, it means you need to overcome this sense of rejection and failure and learn the lesson the horse is telling you - in their brutal honest way.
Here is a link to the book: https://www.amazon.com.au/gp/product/B00AD5GBH8/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=247&creative=1211&creativeASIN=B00AD5GBH8&linkCode=as2&tag=drshelleyappl-22&linkId=62b6c640332a4d629275a639a0b7f2a8&fbclid=IwAR3_Lms0mqRR_Idw7m09mm5fCTKJ5eLQzB3GEHp9u2Qc9TsoqqmfDloR_uA
