IS YOUR IDENTITY WRAPPED IN HORSES?
Want to know why horse people can get so up in arms over their beliefs?
Because we tend to tie our identity to our involvement with horses.
Therefore, our identity can get wrapped in horses and our ways and opinions about what we do, how we do it, and why. Then if someone says something that challenges our ways or opinions we get confronted.
We either launch a defence to correct the unenlightened person or we come out swinging!
It can be serious stuff.
Friendships destroyed, fall outs with coaches, committees, organisers, competitors and key board warrior attacks galore.
People get hurt, their confidence can be knocked, they can get offended, angry, righteous and a whole lot of other not very nice stuff.
What can we do about it?
Get humble.
Be prepared to be a student of the horse because each one is going to teach you something whether you like it or not!
Detach yourself from your methods and be someone who is prepared to evolve your understanding and ways as you learn more about how to help horses.
But what about other people...
Understand people's reactions when their beliefs or ways are challenged.
They have just had their ego swing into action to protect the fortress of their identify. They need to save you, defend themselves or bring you down.
This is how I handle it:
1) I accept that people have their own learning journey with horses. I can put ideas out there but I can't make anyone accept them if they are not ready to accept.
2) I make friends. I learnt quickly that if I gave unsolicited advice to people it always went pear-shaped. But if I just did my thing and made friends, people got curious about what I did and would ask me questions or ask for help.
3) I respect there are many different roads to Rome and most controversial topics are not black and white. Hence why I collect methods and value my extensive tool box of approaches.
4) I have boundaries with how I allow people to engage with me. If I trigger someone into defence or attack mode and they are not constructive in their approach, I hit the block button.
Finally, don't lock yourself in echo chambers that purely validate and agree with your ideas. Delve into alternative thoughts. Listen, study, observe and experiment. But do so in a way that uses critical thought. There is that saying - "be opened minded, but not so open your brain falls out".
Everyone should have an aim that we can look back at our past selves and tell a story about how much we have changed in what we know and what we do....and feel proud of the story
PS. Credit to Erin Rose for the fabulous photograph
